“How The Universe Works”By John L, Pinellas Park, Florida
Published in the November 2006 Grapevine - Abbreviated Version

I grew up in the middle 50’s in a small town in southern New Hampshire. Everyone pretty much knew everyone else’s business and if things were not right, although concerned, they would look the other way. My father was very involved in the drinking community. When someone had a project and needed help, Henry was there. Of course there was always a case of beer involved. Don’t know if anything would have been accomplished without the beer. As I recall that concept was never tested.
One Friday evening an event happened that would change my family life forever. On his way home from work, my father was killed in an auto accident. His blood alcohol level was point three five. The police and a priest came to our house and told my mother what had happened. The priest told me that I was now the head of the family. I was 12 when this happened. From that moment I shut down all my feelings for the next thirty years. No God, no feelings, alone, but strong.
My mother started drinking heavily. Things got real bad very quickly. Two months after my fathers death I tried my first drink. It tasted terrible but I really liked the feeling. The shy, introvert that I was, became the outgoing, taller, better-looking guy that I always wanted too be. I would have done this much earlier had I only known. That was the beginning.
Although I wasn’t able to get liquor as often as I would have liked, I did managed a six-pack once in a while on weekends. I joined the Air Force after High School to avoid the Army as Vietnam was going strong at the time. The Air Force didn’t care what I did after work so I spent a lot of time in the enlisted men’s club.
I drank daily for another twenty-two years. Like most of us there were lots of little encounters, which I now know as signposts or glaring billboards depending on the weekend. One DWI and a few arrests lead to what I hope is my final drunk. This is the one I never want to forget.
I started drinking at the VFW, across the street from my apartment early one Saturday morning. Sometime late in the evening after drinking all day I was involved in a pushing match with a Spanish fellow over his refusal to speak English. My gun came out and I threatened him and his family. Lucky for me the bouncer was close by and jumped in taking away the gun. But for the Grace of God it didn’t go off. I was taken outside, beaten up and left unconscious in the parking lot.
The next morning the police arrived and off to jail I went. I was charged with assault with a deadly weapon and I was terrified. After a short stay in jail I set bail and proceeded to find a lawyer. The lawyer suggested, because I was guilty, I should consider not drinking anymore and maybe attending AA. “It might help when we go to court if I can tell the judge that you have been sober” she said. I knew she was right and I was really afraid.
I ended up at my first meeting, drinking of course. It did help with the fear. I really didn’t listen much but did hear someone say, “maybe you should go home, get down on your knees and ask God for help.” I did exactly that. I prayed right from the bottom of my soul “please God, help me, I can’t stop drinking.” That was more than twenty years ago. I was able to plea bargain the charges and they were removed from my record after a year of being sober.
I still attend AA on a regular basis, sponsor several guys, have a home group and been involved in the business end of several clubs. Has life been smooth since I got sober? Heck no. Like most of us I have made many bad decisions while trudging the road.
I have spent the past twenty years changing the way I think about myself. I now have the tools for success if only I choose to use them. The most powerful lesson that I have learned is that “it all happens inside my own head.” The perception of any situation is in my mind and I have a choice which way I want that mind to react. I try my best to look for positive solutions, taking my problems to my sponsor or let my friends know what is going on inside me. God works through people and when “the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” Sometime the teacher is an old timer and some times the new comer has the wisdom I need. The right answer will always come.
A day at a time with Gods guidance I plan never to drink again. I must always remember that “the monkey may be off my back but the circus hasn’t left town” and it never will for this alcoholic.
John L