ADDICTION IS ONLY A SYMPTOM OF THE UNDERLINING PROBLEM
Written by John Levasseur
Citrus County, Florida
Citrus County, Florida
Addiction... alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, eating and even having everything perfectly in it’s place is only a symptom of the underlining problem. Many who start a recovery program, like AA, find that after arresting the primary addiction the problem is still there. Sure the family is much happier now that the alcoholic has stopped drinking. The boss is happier now that his employee is showing up for work on time. The bill collectors are quiet and all appears to be going very well, at least on the surface. But reality is, nothing has really changed. The problem is still there and will come back if not treated. The problem is what needs treating so that the symptom will stay at bay.
Any addiction, doesn’t matter which one you pick, they all come under the heading, “outside solution for an inside problem.” Until you address the actual problem the desire to find an outside solution will still exist. I have watched this happen over and over in others as well as myself during my years in recover. Here are some of the obvious examples.
Example 1: Ted, a heavy drinker for years has joined AA and has been sober for a month. He is much happier and is using the group as his Higher Power. Ted attends a new meeting and meets Mary who is also a recovering alcohol who has been sober for two months. Love at first sight. They have coffee after the meeting, go over to Ted’s apartment and a mad love affair begins. Two weeks later, Ted has found the new love of his life in Phyllis who has just been released from rehab. Mary is devastated and goes back to drinking. In this case the love of alcohol was replaced with a love for attention. This happened to me after 3 years in recovery. At that point I was still the same person who sobered up three years before. Mine new addiction found me in a marriage that only lasted 52 days. I had a gun to my head wanting the pain to stop. Again I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
Example 2: After being sober a month and having more time on my hands, I joined a movie club at a local grocery store. After watching the first movie in years, I wanted to share the experience with all my friends. I went and purchased a second VCR for taping. Monday night was fifty-cent night for movie rentals. I would rent 5 movies and set the alarm clock for every two hours so I could change the tape and put in a new one. Within three months I had a library of 600 movies, a bookcase full of tapes, a new computer to keep the lists up to date and lots of new friends borrowing the free movies. It wasn’t until a friend pointed out to me that I was just switching seats on the Titanic. She said that eventually this obsession would turn to one that was more destructive. It was working for now but until I address the real problem, which only I was aware of, the obsessions would continue.
If it weren’t for looking for love in all the wrong places, or a simple distraction like taping movies, both myself and Ted would have found the race track, signed up for a new credit card, or put on twenty pounds with our new found love of Twinkies. Unless I look at the real problem, outside solution with continue to come, one after another.
MY SOLUTION: Each person has their own daemon that is unique to them. Mine was the extreme dislike that I had for myself. Since childhood I had always wanted to be someone else. My parents were no help. Both were alcoholics and had their own demons chasing them. Once I was aware of the actual problem, at age 45, I could finally make some serious changes in the way I thought. Awareness came in therapy with a good councilor. I was able to address the real problem head-on. I first had to stop the destructive behavior. I had already stopped drinking and now it was time to give away the movie collection. I donated it to my sober club. Then I started writing. I even had notes on my mirror reminding me that I wasn’t a bad person just one that had been lead down the wrong path. I was a computer programmer and knew that I had been programmed with lots of bugs and just needed to make some changes in the way I thought and all would be well. Now that I was on the right path it was time to start liking me, just for today. It was also time to start helping others.
This process took years not months like I wanted. Now I really like who I am, can look myself in the eye in that mirror and can be alone in my head for days now instead of minutes. I have not become a legend in my own mind as yet but really like the person that I have become. Still can’t say I love myself, but that’s ok for today.
If you do the work, you will get the results. If I change the way I look at things, the things that I look at will change. I changed the way I looked and thought about me and my outside world did change and to this day it changes one thought at a time.
